“Collaborate with the moment.”
–Lyn Hejinian
Summer’s heat’s outside
I wait lost inside my books
time patterns the walls
turn along a labyrinth
everything seems so simple
a leaf turns yellow
then falls obliquely to earth
inconsequential
as I age I disappear
a slow fade into grey dust
on her car he drew
dusty hearts she wouldn’t see
then drove home alone
much goes unseen and unheard
oblique gestures in the dark
he held his hand out
unbidden and undesired
if noticed at all
along a vague edge it lurks
shadows enwrap the shadows
a heart darkly marred
provides a darker tattoo
a hard-blued rhythm
veins like sun-baked cracks in mud
trace patterns within my flesh
dried rivers and roads
no longer pull us along
we’re alone and lost
as if another state could
exist where I had a clue
to think divergent
instead of a precise line
is praised yet despised
all the boxes in a row
we only reap what we sow
the dust rose higher
obliterating the earth
smothering the sky
our history laughs quietly
the obvious slaps us down
the ubiquitous
surrounds us like the night air
breathe and disappear
today I wish to vanish
take the interstate and drive
got to pay the bills
I’m too much like my father
self-abnegation
even now his anger burns
a cauterized part of me
thick scars from old wounds
split and crack like winter’s ice
blood flows into earth
as summer’s heat ends
the trees finally relent
leaves drop to the ground
I’m even too tired to weep
my age wears me down
not so much stamina’s lack
as that of resilience
to maintain my shape
requires me to be alone
darkness blurs edges
an amoeba flows slowly
silently devouring
silence speaks as well
all he said was unfinished
she only misunderstood
within conversation’s flow
there’s not room for impatience
see where I stand now
opens up a newer world
both for me and you
a mirror or a close friend
reflects and distorts us all
I once was certain
in all my fixed opinions
I am still the same
my clichés clot every word
I speak my aneurism
I move into fall
a cold dotage I now rue
so many lost paths
implication of a choice
all delusions are heartfelt
he wanders alone
each step divides another
as if he were one
the leaves have floated away
squirrels scurry about in fear
(September 17, 2015)
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