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My Poetry and Commentary on Life

  • This Writer’s Beginnings: EarlyYears
  • Bread Loaf Influence
  • Rock and Roll High School
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  • Memory Exhausts Me

    by

    life, memory, poetry
    Exhaustion digs deep, traces
    the muscle’s edge. The slow
    curve bends into bone; until
    even thought wears like water
    washing along a shore, reshaping
    contoured relations. Memories
    detach and drift free, dandelions
    alighting on a stream, pocking
    the surface in random patterns.
    Yes, one cannot exist in the same
    river twice; yet, time drapes
    residual traces, like debris
    within a sieve. A mish-mash
    of moments remain, no less
    of time than the way willows
    sigh their tired branches into
    the creek’s slow meander
    are a part of the day’s flow.

    (January 29, 2016)

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  • doorway

    by

    definition, existential angst, fate, poetry, transition
    like the framed
    emptiness
    of a door
    I am absence
    what remains
    clinging to air
    after a last breath
    sighs into silence

    (January 27, 2016)

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  • Old Moon

    by

    alone, existential angst, haiku, moon series, poetry
    thin clouds streak the sky
    like wolves’ articulate howls
    the moon does not care

    (January 26, 2016)

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  • Spelunking

    by

    borders, control, definition, poetry, sonnets
    What I cannot hear clearly, controls me;
    the unvoiced desires, in their absences,
    revolve about my tongue like wild grapevines
    slowly crushing beneath their weight the life
    embedded in the day’s cold silences.
    There is always a time for a question,
    another niggling doubt scratching somewhere
    along an edge of whichever cave waits
    to be entered, yet another moment
    to be filled with a dead vacuity.
    Such gestures signal larger consequence—
    if not, then to what purpose should I bow?
    A hostage to my words, I hear only
    the echoes pushing back against my walls.

    (January 24, 2016)

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  • awareness wears

    by

    definition, hope, poetry, sonnets
    I am too often lost in my desire
    to know before I know to be safe
    to not cower beneath bed sheets
    pretending to be sleepy and tired
    all the while afraid to be myself
    to step open into a newer day
    flowing like light across the earth
    awash in life’s extant glory
    my self-consciousness wears
    like knives pulled for decades
    across whetstones sharpening
    yet destroying itself in the process
    of becoming useful or simply becoming
    comfortable within the shape I create
    (January 21, 2016)

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  • the hollowness coagulates

    by

    acceptance, broken, despair, dissatisfaction, loss, poetry, sonnets, unstable
    the mundane inserts itself and thickens
    like phlegm clings inside my throat
    before I can spit out my despair
    without a center it entangles quickly
    like tree roots entwine through rock
    choking the earth into grey dust
    the air I breathe cannot penetrate
    the pudding-vat of my vacuity
    pulsing within like fermenting cud
    the slow bubbles pop and ooze
    a dissonance around the edges
    of all I can no longer keep alive
    my truth my love my joy
    the dead flowers of my heart

    (January 17, 2016)

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  • creation

    by

    hope, life, poetry, sonnets, truth, ways of knowing
    I hope to find some revelation
    within the marks on the page
    some divinity to raise an answer
    to the question I do not know
    as if I can stare into a stone
    until I see within the grain
    the sediment as it sifts slowly
    through an ice-choked sea
    yet there is no floor to form
    a continent between the layers
    I move through with such sluggish
    certainty that a truth will emerge
    as a goddess’s aching awareness
    unfolds from a rose’s dark flesh
    (January 17, 2016)

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  • Impasse

    by

    broken, life, poetry, writing
    I need to write
    but I can’t write
    I’m tired
    and I can’t write
    so I write
    there is only now

    (January 14, 2016)

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  • Metamorphosis

    by

    chance, change, erato, identity formation, interpretation, poetry, relationships, sonnets
    “For, in the other, you are changed. Become other, and without recurrences. It is up to her to perpetuate your becoming, to give it back to you, voraciously deformed. A trace of your passage into her leaves a mark in the flesh that forever escapes you.”
                                        -Luce Irigaray
    Within this ash cloud I hide,
    a hermit of my desires,
    watching my delusions
    absorb into this ground.
    I am changed by her vision
    and how I see she sees me.
    Mumbling my stories like beads,
    I sit here amid our destructions;
    and then as a witch’s curse
    for an ex-lover’s recompense,
    I cast my lot like dice
    tumbling over tattered rags
    for a chance to become
    something other than I am.

    (January 13, 2016)

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  • Growing Up with David Bowie

    by

    death, essay



    David Bowie meant a lot to me as a teenage boy growing up in South Texas. He was cool, but not by any means the stereotype model of a male I was offered in Victoria. I was an introverted bookish boy who liked to write. Sports and, the measure of a man in my high school, football, held no interest at all for me.  I was accused of being gay, because I liked Bowie, wore Bowie t-shirts, had Ziggy written across the back of my school class shirt. Plastered on my bedroom wall was a full size poster for the Man Who Fell to Earth a friend had given me one year. Bowie’s androgyny was what I wanted, not the testosterone driven cowboys of my hometown. Bowie made it all right to be different. To not follow the norm. I listened to Hunky Dory and Ziggy Stardust repeatedly when my sister brought them home from college one summer when I was still in middle school. The first album I ever bought with the first check I ever wrote from my first bank account with the money from my first job flipping burgers at Wendy’s was David Live. It took two and a half hours of work then to pay for the double live album. I soon had all of the rest of his recordings. I was lucky enough to see him perform three times: on my 18thbirthday in Houston during the Heroes/Low tour, in Dallas for Serious Moonlight, and finally in Austin for Glass Spiders. I have only been affected by the death of a celebrity the way I am today once, and that was when John Lennon died. Patti Smith will be the same, may she live forever. However, Bowie and his music helped me early on to define my identity, and with his passing I realize that those early efforts of mine to become me would not have occurred as easily if it were not for David Bowie.  On the long commute to work this morning I listened to the entire Diamond Dogs album. In Rock and Roll With Me, Bowie wrote: “I found a door which lets me out.” I found a door to myself through David Bowie.

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  • Changes

    by

    change, identity formation, loss, poetry, response, time, traces

    to D. B.
    “At each step, don’t you have to give up the previous step taken?”
    -Luce Irigaray
    a constant leaving
    one mind to another
    without transition
    separate without
    separation a diffuse
    movement thins
    until all parts
    exist within all parts
    and there is no need
    no desire for farewells

    (January 11, 2016)

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  • Ghosts

    by

    chant, erato, friends, love, muse, poetry, traces, ways of knowing

    “I wait for you to come for me from everywhere.”
    -Marc Chagall
    Carelessly
    as broken glass,
    I shape you
    again within
    these tropes and suppositions,
    as if you were more than
    fog drifting through a field.
    No promises,
    I promised,
    but I lied to myself:
    all reasons were mine;
    yet, you came along
    with reasons
    of your own.
    And that was enough—
    like the butterfly
    that landed on your book,
    to shatter my pretense
    into befuddled
    adolescent
    stutter and shuffle.
    Even now as I write,
    you appear tangentially
    like a ghost in a different room;
    and I sigh anxiously,
    conjuring what meaning
    I can whisper
    from nothing.
    (January 9, 2015)

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  • event horizon

    by

    abstract, change, identity formation, liminal, poetry, transition

    as from a shell
    I fall into myself
    my skin tight
    yet permeable
    where I leave off
    abstract and uncertain
    in the dark
    around a silent spasm
    a thin membrane parts
    into a word
    I cannot hear
    even if spoken
    (January 7, 2016)

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  • to see’s not to see

    by

    critical theory, fate, lament, poetry, storytelling, ways of knowing
    here is no control
    beyond what’s told
    history’s glacial claws
    direct and redirect
    now onto a then
    to form a tighter fit
    like a horse’s blinder
    to turn our head
    from the fire
    burning the building
    down about us
    (January 6, 2016)

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  • Desire for Silence

    by

    change, dance, erato, hope, meaning, poetry, silence, writing

    Though language enrapts us,
    Nothing defines us more,
    even more, than our words.
    The ocean pounds the shore;
    the shore resists ocean’s pulse.
    I must learn to bend my words
    between the sacred and profane:
    can my utterance demand
    something more from silence?
    All the chatter, the clatter
    and prattle, dances about
    between her bangled feet,
    whispering meaning as if
    the dust that rises softly
    with each step changes
    the earth’s slow pattern
    enough to unfold a different
    shape to what I want to hear.

    (January 3, 2015)

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