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Often while reading,

I scan the words,

turn the pages,

and then the book

vanishes, and I vanish,

aware of nothing.

 

To hold nothing,

and have nothing hold,

I desire this freedom–

a breath unnoticed,

as it is

ubiquitous:

 

Radiant, without center,

I cannot name

my discontent.

A wind, at my ear,

stills as I turn;

yet, still’s nearby.

 

(November 4, 2018)

edges

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1

the edges are all straight

in a puzzle, unlike a cliff

where the edges are pronounced

suddenly in a fading scream

falling away somewhere below

 

2

I am a puzzle piece. I try

to fit in, to be a part; yet

every thing’s so inconsequential

when scattered across a table

 

3

with a gasp, a slow hand grasps

at an edge, desperate like a juggler,

too late, after an errant ball

 

4

a puzzle piece slips from the table’s

edge, falling unnoticed to the floor

 

5

a pebble ticks the rock face as it falls

 

(July 30, 2018)

 

the words were why I wrote when young

 

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the words were a way out

between the rigid definitions,

the expectations carved in cant

 

the words slipped along fault

line’s edges; the incongruous fissured

like water through the undefined

 

the words wore meaning there,

bare and taut, shrugging off

all social niceties for love

 

the words were love for the world:

the laughter of the sun rippling

the horizon further each day

 

words were a way to a salvation

from what I was not to become

 

(June 25, 2018)

Even Sleep Worries Me Now

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Inside dream’s not different

than day— I’m pursued

by doubt, dumb beasts

that plod along in herds.

I hurl myself away,

before I am trampled.

I wake bruised on the floor.

Then, embarrassed, without

transition, I return

to bed to sleep. I kick,

and shout out warnings

against the shadows

that crawl beneath my skin,

slowly feeding as they go.

 

(June 22, 2018)

 

My Son Explains My Poetry to Me

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One does not want to find

the body on the floor,

bits of brain and blood flecked

in patterns on the walls.

 

After decades scribbling

these poems to the page,

reading hundreds if not

thousands of others ,

 

apparently, I just needed you.

So, please, tell me, my child,

what my poetry means

to an ignorance like mine.

 

Keeping in mind, the reader

finds what he wants to find.

 

(May 16, 2018)

Blur Into Heaven

broken-chains

 

The words above the door

replicated and smeared

themselves along the wall.

 

With one stroke, I saw

what drugs decades before

revealed in delusion:

 

For a surety,

our projections turn

back proffering chains.

 

Yet, no chains exist beyond

our myopic visions;

the earth begins and ends

 

with a whisper, with a shout,

with inarticulate gargling

 

(May 15, 2018).

Dream Journal #34: He Promised No Promises

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You were a dream, as was she,

but neither of you were the dream.

She kept shifting from dark to light.

Both of you were, simultaneously

light and dark, entwined like lovers

tangled in a kiss. He watched, intrigued

and somewhat guilty, as if a voyeur

peering through bedroom blinds.

The dream kept returning to you

and her together, but not together;

separate in your costumes and colors:

red and black lace against warm skin;

a part of the ambient background

reasserting itself again into day.

He woke often, then returned to you,

in the dream, with her. The dream

turned the morning back into itself,

until where each of them left off vanished,

like promises which were never made.

 

(May 7, 2018)