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My Poetry and Commentary on Life

  • This Writer’s Beginnings: EarlyYears
  • Bread Loaf Influence
  • Rock and Roll High School
  • About

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  • “it is important”

    by

    communication, life, obsessions, poetry, ways of knowing

    to who
                you
    step away once
                to see
    who
    you
    and
    the stance you expect
    us to reflect
    to your sense
                of what
    is important
    to who
                you
    (March 2013)

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  • For A Moment While Writing

    by

    memory, metaphor, poetics, poetry, thinking, writing

    in a slip of shadow
                tucked into a fold
                            of possibility
    a thought hovers
                like a hummingbird
                            above a rose
    then darts away
                across the sky
                            without a trace
                                        of memory
    to slow its progress
                from pen to page
    (March 2013)

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  • 48. Change Constant

    by

    early work, poetry

    May 13, 1995
    Despite all appearances:  the beard
    the added weight, the family and house,
    I am the same insecure egotist
    who at fifteen first saw the word – –
    Would that it were a wild wood
    where I wander lost,  yet here.

    (from My Book of Changes, 1995)

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  • 16. Gifts of the Magi

    by

    early work, family, hope, love, poetry, ways of knowing

    March 26, 1995
    My hands are my mother’s,
    as are the knots tension
    ties across my shoulders.
    My father gave me fury
    and a weepy sentimentality.
    From both an unrelenting hope.

    (from My Book of Changes, 1995)

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  • Fear

    by

    creativity, essay, existential angst, identity formation, life, obsessions, writing

    I left at work the green leather notebook I carry around with me to write in when ever I have a moment. I had a vague idea I wanted to play with; so I went to pull it out of my bag, and it wasn’t there. A wave of panic moved through me. There is something wrong, when I have tied so much of my calm into an object. Even now as I write this my shoulders are tense as if someone were wringing my muscles like old rags, beaten on one too many rocks, not many threads left to hold water. I know that I often use writing as a buffer against the world, but when I have invested so much of my identity into an object, it has moved beyond a tool to use to work out my life to a fetishistic icon that has become more important than the writing, the process. Of course, my solution to dealing with the stress of not having my notebook is to sit down immediately and write about it. Somewhere in this wave of words, I can wash out the terror of not having my book, the story I tell myself about myself; of not having my security blanket to wrap myself in and hide from the world.  I know I will find it on my desk tomorrow. Yet, I also have a gnawing fear crawling along my spine like a wharf rat along a ship’s rope that it will not be there; it will be lost. And that fear is causing tremors to move through all of my faults.
    (March 2013)

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  • linguini puttanesca

    by

    dream, life, love, metaphor, obsessions, poetry

    I’m hungry,
    he whispers.
    She laughs,
    and places
    a dish of clams
    before him;
    he devours them
    to her delight.
    (March 2013)

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  • “Sleepscraps”

    by

    dream, life, paradigms, poetry

    apologies to Paul Celan
    traces of the night
    trail like spider’s
    thread behind us
    to pattern the way
    there is no me
    this dream the other
    tucks between everyone
    and my scream’s yawn
    an indifferent gorge
    a possibility opened
    like a myopic eye
    rimed with sleep
    (March 2013)

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  • Erato Sings a Song But Not to Me

    by

    dream, irony, language, liminal, love, metaphor, obsessions, poetry, writing

    like a man walking
    the city late at night
    around the periphery
    of your dreams
    or a voyeur
    peeking inside
    through the blinds
    a lover hung for you
    I read your poetry
    and see your mind
    nude moving shyly
    through the room
    the play of language
    draped like sheets
    tangled and warm
    upon a bedroom floor
    between the lines
    of light and shadow
    cast through these
    half-closed blinds
    you stretch and flex
    your awakened voice
    openly longing
    for something other
    I mutely turn
    embarrassed
    that I glimpse you
    in such a light
    yet your words
    seduced like sirens
    singing songs
    upon a different shore
    (March 2013)

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  • Heartsick

    by

    hope, life, metaphor, obsessions, poetry, sonnets

    I dip the tip of the knife blade in,
    slice the tendon around the joint and pull
    back the tender flesh from my thin bones.
    The table is always ready to be laid,
    wine waits to be poured, conversation
    on but a single word to flow unchecked.
    How much should I eat at one sitting?
    Should I save some for later, in case
    later should arrive like a hungry guest?
    Yet, I’m hungry now, and everything smells
    so incredible I long to have a taste;
    fat drips from the spit as I lift it to my lips.
    My heart throbs as I wait upon your kiss,
    each beat driving me to my selfish wish.
    (March 2013)

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  • Avatar

    by

    dream, hope, life, love, meaning, metaphor, obsessions, paradigms, poetry, romance

    he holds
                the rose
      in the palm
                   of his hand
           feels 
                     between
    his fingertips
                the soft-petaled
         flesh 
                  wet 
              with dew
                open
                     to his touch
    (March 2013)

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  • Nostalgia for the Present

    by

    early work, poetry, social construction



    On a sphere, any given point,
    with a straight line through 
    any other point, 
    leads back into itself,
    an enfolding, like thought ,
    or bees flowing about
    a transient queen.
    “Where are you going
    with all of this?” one asks
    as if there were


    an implied direction 
    to my directionless wanderings.
    Destinations are inconsequential,
    not from anyplace, nor to anywhere.
    Told time and time again,
    the story is familiar enough
    for the present as it was of a past:
    a time out of sequence
    a sequence of disjointed sequences.
    Beyond the depth of  sound,


    all flows, around, past, through
    each and everyone:  I and you.
    The story told transforms the hearing:
    the rain, the flood, the drought
    the shadows across the mountains,
    are like the angles of light across Rouen’s cathedral
    while Monet madly fixes paint in time.
    The ebb and flow of conversation,
    when you are in with words,
    lulls you with an apparent ease,


    like the soft sushing of wave on shore,
    or the whispers dancing through a cottonwood;
    the light iridescent in wave froth and leaf twirl.
    Interpretation is mistrusted and unwelcome
    as the touched relative, who instead
    of exposing himself at dinner, exposes you.
    Context is not stable.
    “What did you say?” I don’t remember,
    but I remember what I heard.
    No carved stone slabs stand

    to fix meaning- – – and then even if – –
    the wind does not wait
    to wear the words away.
    Dust rises and whirls words away
    like spiders, newly hatched, launched
    into air, floating on strands of silk
    searching for some perch, some anchor point,
    from which to weave their world.
    As we talk, content and secure
    in the seat of ourselves, the weft


    of our words warping our thought,
    a fire pulsates arbitrarily between
    the sound we speak and our intent
    casting light and creating shadow.
    Smoke bellows into the darkening sky
    like magma bulging from the sea floor
    forming solid clouds beneath the waves.
    In the dark the presence looms larger – –
    outlines of tree, bush, and grass
    grow beyond their daylight selves,
    not shadows, nor shades lacking light


    but themselves stretching into the night.
    We are but a collection of consciousness,
    no more independent than an amoeba
    sliding across a petri dish.
    Tsunamis crash against continents;
    lightning spasms the air;
    stars explode fusing molecules:
    hydrogen to helium to you.
    When is the world at peace?
    When we have explained everything away,


    or when we stop paying attention?
    Our attention, what we tend to:
    our backyard gardens with sunflowers,
    the slights and faux pas of the workplace- –
    who said what to me and I to you.
    These everyday obsessions,
    (pale mockeries of the desire 
    we no longer posses),
    force our focus deeper into abstraction.
    The first sun’s rays each morning before school


    slanted through the slattered shutters
    of my mother’s room.
    The broken crystal intercepted the dust-
    mote besotted light and shattered
    rainbows across the wall.  The mind,
    (mine, yours), intercepts through words
    splaying thoughts into an iridescence
    like the halos of Kyrealian photography,
    a vague diffusion of edges.


    With our endless search for a cause and its effect,
    We further fragment time until, sliced and julienned 
    ready for a processed dish of our creation,
    without awareness or responsibility, 
    we annihilate the present.  Yet this is a metaphor 
    I cannot stomach, so I turn the ball and find
    another point from which to start, like a bee
    flowing from one flower to another.  Not repetition
    of a pattern, but a new trace laid across an unknown 
    field, the line a parabola rather than an arc.

    (from An Ambiguous Demarcation, 1997)

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  • Self-recrimination

    by

    existential angst, life, liminal, oblivious, obsessions, poetry

    What the storm
    of your emotions
    wrecks upon others
    matters. The anger-
    flash exploding
    through the veil
    of your darkness,
    stark and ungrounded,
    it matters.
    The jagged rocks
    draped in blood
    and bits
    of incidental
    flesh reek
    of your snappish
    sarcasm.  They matter.
    So pay attention,
    asshole. If not here,
    now, for you,
    then for others
    who matter,
    the others
    with whom
    you say
    you are
    in  love.
    (March 2013)

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  • Dream Journal # 5: Evasion

    by

    communication, conversation, dream, obsessions, paradigms, poetry

    You’re in love with her?
    And tried to date her?
    Is this true?
    No, not tried—
    not to date her,
    no.
    (March 2013)

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  • Transitional

    by

    dream, hope, life, liminal, love, poetry, thinking

    After several minutes
    it dawns on him,
    he’s awake – –
    no longer dreaming,
    but thinking,
    of her.
    (March 2013)

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  • from "One Hundred and Fifteen Missing Days" (circa 1996)

    by

    acceptance, early work, irony, life, liminal, poetry


    Narcissus


    I hate mirrors, yet cannot turn away:
    I am the lover in this week’s romance,
    the wronged child beneath the abusing
    hand, the megalomaniac upon a cross
    of my own devising, of my own fears,
    of what I expect, and what is expected of me.


    Like a funhouse, mirrors surround me,
    distorting even themselves infinitely:
    as seen from the street, the soft flicker
    of the television washes the room in blue;
    the building’s wall mirrors the splashing
    feet dancing in the puddles of the street.


    I listen to the jokes at work,
    laugh or groan politely.  I am a bore,
    a hypocrite lecturer whose eyes glaze
    as others drone their tales of domesticity:
    their traumas and triumphs so like
    my own I tear my face in anguish.


    I recognize my self in Plato and Paz,
    in my father’s voice growling in memory,
    in the despised, in the honored, in the mediocre,
    and the sublime.  Not that I’m any Whitman
    glomming onto everyone; I am, however,
    as are you, a reflection of a mirror in a mirror.


    I fight to keep from flinching at each glance
    cast across the tops of newspapers, to keep 
    from drowning in the current thought
    rushing like a flash flood through
    everything, leaving rotting cows and broken
    trees to infect with their complacence. 


    A bit of me here, a bit of me there,
    but nothing which is truly mine, that is me:
    an endless stream of non-essential parts.
    Everything is just that:  shards of a shattered
    mirror, each reflection the same confused,
    yet deliberately constructed expanse;


    each flattening the vision just a little
    bit more, each demanding to be the center
    of a universe without a the only an a: 
    Several infinite points rapidly
    fleeing from anything like themselves.
    I watch myself in this receding flood.


    No matter how I close my eyes, no matter
    how I hold the pillow over my head
    at night to smother the sounds echoing
    throughout the day, I still can’t stop
    being fascinated, being appalled, by the
    glimpses I catch as I quickly turn.


    It is there on the peripheral, like werewolves
    along borders, where the change occurs.
    All the shifting geological layers, all the mists
    surrounding the duplicitous projections,
    all are reflections of a distorted self-reflection
    who is too afraid to admit to being me.

    (Circa 1996)


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