from a work in progress: “process, not a journey” (12)
in school we were always on the move
field trips to museums to math class
with Mr. Buesing to middle school
to high school to college the future
was a threat brandished like a whip
–
by degrees our world turned
then it stopped and I stumbled
and found myself here in the mud
like a body dropped from the door
of a passing car
(January 18, 2020)
Another cold night flows
into yet another dark day.
For more than forty years,
I have spoken to silence
unvoiced presumptions,
unvoiced expectations.
Why do I still presume
tomorrow with change?
Why do I still expect
that day will come?
I’m tired of talking,
pretending some one will hear.
(January 1, 2020)
a presumption that all
falls into place as if
metaphor were truth
as if anything
we could say
will lead us home
words are tangents
to themselves
too fast to follow
so I plod along
content with the detritus
I stumble upon
making a trail
wherever my foot falls
(December 30, 2019)
My past imperfections intercede
to lay claim to what I can see.
The air between thickens in time
like delirious veils in the wind.
Each word she spoke I heard
as if her fingers on my arm
traced a secret in braille
I was too blind to read.
*
Now too tired to transform time,
I watch myself as if dead;
the chill pushes through my flesh,
like a rat gnawing in the wall.
Time’s translations fill my silence
with the words neither of us spoke.
(December, 20, 2019)
She said
I can’t imagine you young
in school
a time when you didn’t know
everything—
*
I know less and less each year
he thought
so much confidence and verve
years ago
now only anxiety and doubt
(December 18, 2019)
He bends to a shape
he can manage. One
he can fit into
a pocket and ignore
the blood clots
and broken bones
that brought him here.
He knows his mistakes;
yet, decides to stay–
one place being the same
as another he finds
after so many years
pushing along his edges
like a bird in an egg.
(December 14, 2019)
When we scattered mother,
the ash swirled about me
like a cape. I breathed her
in, then spit out what
I could into the winter grass.
Metaphor’s bitter aftertaste
lingered between my teeth
for years. Now, left with
a handful of ash to toss
to the wind, I resist this
final gesture, and begin
again. Life’s easy without
thought, or a nearby pattern
to hold one together, despite
death’s constant push to contain
the living who remain.
(December 12, 2019)
