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My Poetry and Commentary on Life

  • This Writer’s Beginnings: EarlyYears
  • Bread Loaf Influence
  • Rock and Roll High School
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  • Today, I’m Broken

    by

    dissatisfaction, fate, life, poetry, tension, unstable, ways of knowing
    “Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang!” —Arthur Miller
    In the space
    where foolishness
    counters sense
    rests the rub of trust.
    I cannot speak:
    my name’s
    an aggregate
    of shattered
    bones and blood,
    pulp in a thin
    skin bag
    sags against
    a closed door.
    My name’s
    wrong; it echoes
    its mistake
    along empty halls.
    For decades,
    I’ve learned
    it’s wrong
    to trust
    my uttered
    name;
    a red stain
    seeps across
    the floor.
    (March 21, 2015)

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  • Grace

    by

    aging, change, dissatisfaction, loss, poetry, traces, unstable
    “something keeps going away; it is as if desire were nothing but this hemorrhage.”
                            –Roland Barthes
    I want
    always a way away
    to disappear through the trees
    drift like mist
    across an open field
    into something other
    until the traces of memory
    are erased and the niggling
    recriminations vanish into air
    as if I were never here
    I want
    always something beyond now
    this constant discontent
    with what I have
    with who I am
    as if I could escape this skin
    momentarily and float free
    like a satin ribbon falls
    from her hand to the floor
    with a grace I do not possess

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  • the transitory nature of love

    by

    communication, erato, eros, love, poetry, traces
    Our words telegraphed
    along this mannered code,
    as if what I say
    could be interpreted
    in any other way:
    listen close, knife
    to throat, lip to ear,
    and you might hear
    your own voice
    gasping for air.
    So many ways to say:
    who I am, what you
    want, too much falls
    by the side, too much
    left unresolved.
    Despite our trust
    we harbor doubt
    that what we say
    together has a hope
    to last beyond today.
    We’re both left alone:
    wondering where we are,
    drunk in a bar, or soulless
    in suburban bliss, longing
    for a last transient caress.
    (March 18, 2015)

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  • I Breathe in Her Absence

    by

    erato, eros, love, poetry, traces
    Although
    there’s no trace
    no scent, no hope,
    she’s still there,
    lingering as if
    in the air.

    (March 18, 2015)

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  • Yet Another Door

    by

    hope, poetry, transition
    a doubling
    in one absence
    defined solely
    in not being
    here nor there

    (March 18, 2015)

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  • dream journal #20: polyamorous translations

    by

    dream, erato, eros, interpretation, interrelationships, love, obsessions, poetry, response, traces

    “a whole scene through the keyhole of language”
                –Roland Barthes
    he woke from dreams of her
    to dream of her again
    he wandered room to room
    looking for the space
    of light and laughter
    she moved within
    not his own tired
    darkness obviously
    but familiar enough
    to be comfortable
    as skin on skin
    he searched for her
    within her words
    some simple sign
    he could read
    his life within
    without another
    explanation waiting
    in an empty corner
    like a mad grammarian
    to delicately parse
    another definition
    in which to find
    a trace of a trace
    of yet another word
    she could have meant
    for him to hear
    like a soft kiss
    upon his ear
    so he returned again
    in sleep to her
    like an old dog
    curling at her feet
    then opened up
    his skull peeling
    back his skin past bone
    holding out his mind to hers
    in desperate desire
    without translation’s
    constant need they
    would hold the one word
    between the other as true
    and what he said
    and what she said
    could entwine
    like lust through love
    as if the physical could
    be unraveled
    from the emotional
    like single threads
    from a frayed gown
    and they would hold
    each other together in love
    instead of falling again
    into a silent dream
    upon the vanishing ground
    (March 16, 2015)

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  • regret’s fear

    by

    chance, erato, eros, liminal, love, obsessions, poetry, response, trust
    “into this image of himself he dives”
    –Charles Baudelaire
    it was safer to create you
    alone hidden in shadows
    where only I could find you
    when I was tired and tense
    and full of fear’s insecurities
    safer than your living flesh
    smooth beneath my slow hand
    slipping like silk across your skin
    fear of fulfillment far exceeded
    any regret of might have beens
    yet I fear now I have lost you
    and regret all that went unsaid

    (March 16, 2015)

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  • Structures of Expectations

    by

    erato, eros, lament, poetry, relationships
    two haiku
    Where are you tonight?
    The stars drop light like gestures;
    I am so alone.
    There is not remorse,
    beyond what never happened:
    no kiss, no embrace.

    (March 14, 2015)

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  • the day can wait

    by

    erato, hope, life, love, poetry, space, traces
    in our room
    I crawl back
    into our empty bed
    to nestle within
    your warmth
    which lingers still
    beneath the covers
    like a cat
    curled and purring
    (March 13, 2015)

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  • escape

    by

    change, life, metaphor, poetry

    at the end of a hall
    a screen door waits
    a symbol a goal
    or only a door
    behind him boots echo
    across wooden floors
    a disembodied metonymy
    for  a god superfluous
    obvious and unnecessary 
    yet nevertheless there
    light emanates
    omnipresently
    like faces in Goya
    it’s dawn or dusk
    there are no shadows
    crisply dividing
    one into nothing
    some simplistic duality
    time is irrelevant
    yet present
    a white mold furs
    the baseboards and corners
    in some conditional metaphor
    he lurches from door
    to door rattling knobs
    looking for keys
    for clues
    for openings
    for a breach
    lesions tear
    into absence
    a way in
    a way out
    a way through
    not there
    not here
    one step
    a way
    away

    (March 12, 2015)

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  • The Cold Warmth of Certainty

    by

    acceptance, control, doubt, existential angst, life, poetry
    Swathed in the predictable he desires
    what can be said before saying
    gives comfort to him in its saying
    like an old man’s shawl in early fall
    or prayer beads clasped in broken hands
    the familiar feel of the strand slowly
    sliding between the thumb and finger
    provides a succor without redemption’s
    assumed final consolation so
    he presumes an understanding beyond
    reason to settle across the snowy fields
    to walk any path as if it were his own
    a known amble in which complacence
    can grow like moss without rebuke
    yet acquiescence’s bow allows
    only a momentary grace to fall
    as his doubt gives way to despair 

    (March 11, 2015)

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  • One Must Separate to Remain Whole

    by

    change, clarity, hope, poetry, process, silence

    “as if listening itself were to become a state of utterance: 
    in me, it is the ear which speaks.” –Roland Barthes
    when the day’s
    traumas trouble
    your sleep like
    pebbles dance
    down a stream
    hush then wait
    for silence to rise
    through you
    like butterflies
    in a dance
    hush then wait
    for the falderal
    to settle
    like silt sifts
    to the river’s bottom
    hush then wait
    for the bat’s high
    lyric cries
    to call out
    for something other
    than the dark
    hush then wait
    for our walls
    to reflect their
    edges back
    and whisper
    not me not
    me again
    into the permeable
    spaces we share
    (March 9, 2015)

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  • loquela

    by

    communication, control, erato, language, poetry
    “the flux of language through which the subject tirelessly rehashes the effects of a wound.” – – Roland Barthes
    he turns and flops and turns again
    a well dressed monkey with a cup
    dancing to a hurdy gurdy’s chime
    the blood dried to scab despite
    his fingered rehash and revision
    of each word he said and heard
    he ate her loquacious dreams
    spent hours then days now years
    savoring them in their entirety
    the words came to lacerate his throat
    filling his belly with dire sustenance
    a belief his meaning meshed with hers
    until he devoured both him and her
    in an implosion of sin collapsing
    like the last spasms of a dying sun
    (March 7, 2015)

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  • Returning To Silence

    by

    acceptance, clarity, control, found, identity formation, poetry, ways of knowing
    “the death of the image of my own life”
                            -Roland Barthes
    The voices’ cacophony abates slowly
    into a hushed whisper between friends;
    the frantic caws and suppositions ebb
    like the soft susurrations of the sea
    rhythmically wash along a darkened shore.
    The long list of self recriminations,
    snuffing after me like hounds baying
    beneath an October moon, have faded,
    and I am left waiting upon the dawn
    within a fragile calm of my old silences.
    (March 2, 2015)

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  • xenophobic structures of love

    by

    borders, change, erato, liminal, love, poetry
    ” nuance is the last shade of color which can be named; the nuance is the Intractable.” 
                       —Roland Barthes

    writing from desire
    for another place
    for another you
    another set scene
    without resonance
    from one to the other
    then not the one
    but the other
    as red shifts
    to ultra-violet
    in an artifact of vision
    skewed to itself
    differentiates itself
    into something necessarily
    absorbed or defined
    along non-existent lines
    separating
    you from me
    (March 1, 2015)

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