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My Poetry and Commentary on Life

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  • Paul Celan—glottal stop

    by

    books, literature, obsessions, poetry, reader response, reading, response, thinking

    Paul Celan—glottal stop, translated by Nikolai Popov and Heather McHugh

    I finished re-reading glottal stop, 101 poems by Paul Celan this morning. I cannot say with any honesty that I understand the majority of the poems. At most I see a handful as a totality, and then hints and short glimpses inside the others. (Despite the thirty pages of notes at the end of the volume). I have been reading at Celan for years now. There is always something there that intrigues me and causes me to return again and again, reading multiple translations and volumes of his work over the decades. I first came in contact with him through his poem “Death Fugue.” A horrifying and tragic poem coming out of his experience in the Nazi death camps.  A poem I understand he refuted later in his life. But then, how much control does an artist have over their work’s reception once it is released into the world? I will, no doubt, return to him again. He is worth the effort.

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  • Drinking to Myself

    by

    alone, awareness, belief, borders, clarity, drinking, forgiveness, interrelationships, memory, poetry, relationships, truth, ways of knowing

    “Skoal! with the dregs if the clear be gone.

    “wineing the ghosts of yester year.”

    —Ezra Pound

    Last night conversation flowed

    freely between wit and wisdom

    as easily as comfortable privilege

    protects the occasional faux pas.

    What wisdom lacks is the bitterness

    left with the dregs at the bottle’s end.

    Alone this morning, I slowly collect

    the mostly empty bottles scattered

    about the house like an archeologist

    sifting for hints of a civilization

    in the shards of broken pottery.

    I wash the dishes, slipping my hand 

    over the soapy crystal, careful not

    to shatter the glass against the sink.

    Last night’s Malbec has turned slightly. 

    I pour a glass, and sip a bit anyway. 

    Skoal! I am the only one still here. 

    I swirl the glass ruefully, as ghosts rise 

    from memory to confirm my sour mood.

    Memory, after all, can only reflect 

    the present. Like the glass, it distorts 

    any clarity dispersed, any veritas 

    the wine might once have whispered

    like a former lover years after the affair: 

    a version of reality dependent on what 

    had been said, and how much confirms

    what was suspected, and how much must 

    be forgotten as a form of forgiveness.

    (May 26, 2024)

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  • Vanishing Point

    by

    aging, alone, anxiety, despair, existential angst, fate, meditation, perspective, poetry, sonnets, syllabics, tired

    I arrive early at nothing, no door,

    no prison wall to climb, a vast unknown.


    Like time standing still in an open field

    with an infinite empty perspective,


    all direction the same grey hollowness,

    the same vacant stare into cold distance.


    There’s no point in looking back for a road;

    it too slowly vanished into nothing.


    The foreground is without prior context

    and smudges vaguely into the background,


    as if a charcoal sketch had been erased

    haphazardly and without proper care


    leaving bits of paper and eraser 

    debris scattered across an empty page.

    (May 21, 2024)

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  • What Brings Bits of Happiness

    by

    gratitude, happiness, life, list poem, love, poetry, samsara, truth

    after Fanny Howe

    Lisa’s voice and laughter

    Lisa singing by herself

    The dogs sleeping nearby

    Music playing while I cook

    Food with friends’ conversation

    Wine whiskey and poetry

    Reading and writing

    Books where sentences shimmer

    Fields of flowers

    A single rose in a vase

    My children grown into their lives

    Autumn and Spring blue skies

    Slow walks in art museums

    My grandchildren’s laughter

    (May 9, 2024)

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  • Quick Take

    by

    books

    Finished this today. A diary by a very conservative (monarchist) German from 1936-1944. Very pointed criticism of the Nazis while living through the regime in Bavaria. “It (Germany) is now completely drugged on its own lies. The cure will be more awful than anything seen before in history.” His monarchist tendencies cause him to blame hitler and the Nazis on the petite bourgeoisie grasping above their station, as well as Nationalism which spread after the French Revolution in 1789. Short enough to maintain interest over its 200 pages.

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  • Stoic

    by

    agency, aging, awareness, change, choice, death, pause, poetry

    Time slurs and thoughts elide undistracted

    from light’s rhythms across the cottonwoods

    out back. As if on cue, Death rises unencumbered

    with trivial fluff, waves, then vaguely walks away. 

    I could rage forward slashing through obstacles

    like a petulant child scattering piles of dead leaves

    without resistance to thought. Or, I could stop,

    at least for a moment, and sit on the boulder

    that waits where it has sat longer than the road

    it sits next to has existed. Instead, I chip away 

    the crust encasing my skin like a sarcophagus,

    pick up a few pebbles, drop them casually

    into my pocket, then wander off whistling.

    (May 5, 2024)

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  • love’s denouement 

    by

    assignment, change, despair, emo, love, poetry

    tell me i am a story you knew

    as ubiquitous as the sun

    that hangs like Kali’s necklace

    across your translucent skin


    i am but a remnant of your dream

    the splash after the rings vanish

    or Muttley’s mocking sniggers

    echoes within echoes within echoes


    outside the sun blasts the earth

    i thought safety was you

    once in a lifetime

    (April 29, 2024)

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  • We Tell Ourselves

    by

    anxiety, art, communication, patterns, poetry, storytelling, ways of knowing

    It is

    present, alive.

    The terror rips

    through growls and screams

    too fast to understand,


    then death.

    Friends’, prey’s bloods mix

    beneath our feet.

    Gasping for air,

    we sit stunned to silence.


    The fear,

    tangled in guilt,

    lingers nearby,

    waiting like god,

    palpable and prescient.


    We eat

    and mourn the dead,

    the flesh still warm

    with heart’s thick blood;

    then pray to be absolved.


    Up late

    while the rest sleep,

    I paint dark walls

    to tell the tale,

    so others might survive.


    But then

    who will take time,

    somewhere from here

    to learn to read

    marks scratched upon a wall?


    The dust

    from the cave wall’s

    crude sketches mix

    with ash and bone

    across the rocky ground.

    (April 26, 2024)

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  • Old Doubts and Dreams

    by

    poetry

    “—Hypocrite lecteur,— mon semblable,—mon frère!”

    —Charles Baudelaire

    O, Baudelaire, My Brother!

    Is it easier to drink bourbon

    than to get drunk on poetry?

    What Dionysian folly must I 

    indulge to feel your ecstasy

    in an old whore’s tit?

    You condone each ecstatic

    moments’s origin anywhere

    in a romantic equivocation

    of a syphilitic vision with

    ennui on a Sunday afternoon

    if Eternity is called to frenzy.

    Some days the light ignites

    the sycamore’s broad leaves

    with an electric green glow.

    I am debauched in wonder.

    The moment passes without

    an augury, other than doubt.

    The fleeting vision fades

    into the deepening night.

    I begin to believe the lie

    revealed itself as a dream,

    and I am too old to dream

    beyond the rumbling hearse.

    A prayer exists inside the dance.

    The day to day slow rhythms

    weave through bees and flowers

    to entrance, blinding all

    we could know if only open

    to what the moment shows.

    Is a lifetime enough to fill

    my hands in that moment?

    My vision blurs if I bend

    to the garden too long,

    the world’s weight whorls

    forcing me to my knees.

    (April 19, 2024)

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  • on time

    by

    acceptance, aging, awareness, clarity, cycle, end, haiku, lament, patterns, poetry, present, sonnets, tanka, time

    i see so little,

    in the time I’ve been given,

    if i think too much


    the chinquapin waves

    shadows about the back yard:

    such a bright spring day


    actuary charts

    predict my death in ten years;

    a rose bloomed today


    i wish i knew more

    about the vicissitudes

    of time and of love.


    tonight, a new moon rises;

    the tower clock chimes the hour

    (April 17, 2024)

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  • Venn Diagram

    by

    awareness, identity formation, poetry

    I am a mirror to myself

    a reflection from some other

    who sees himself in part of me

    (April 16, 2024)

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  • locus

    by

    anxiety, awareness, broken, lament, perspective, poetry, politics, worry

    this is a place

    of deception

    of seduction


    a place where honesty

    denies its existence


    where people mistrust

    themselves

    because they can’t trust

    the god in their heart


    a place where

    hell is ubiquitous

    as wild flowers in spring


    a place where words

    are wrung like rags

    until all our blood 

    has drained

    into the earth


    where we stand

    (April 15, 2024)

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  • The World’s Inclination

    by

    allegory, attention, awareness, belief, clarity, delusion, floating world, happiness, meditation, memory, perspective, poetry, present, samsara, solitude, ways of knowing

    Minnows nibble on my toes

    as I sit in Clark’s Creek

    where it deepens to my waist,

    and runs slow a few miles

    below the bridge into town.


    It is spring, and the trees hang

    their new leaves over the creek

    like a secret green cave

    where all answers are contained.

    I am nine years old, and happy.


    I know nothing beyond myself.

    Catfish hide in the tree’s roots

    that uncoil into the creek,

    as copperheads and moccasins

    slide past unnoticed nearby.

    (April 12, 2024)

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  • Cassandra at 3am

    by

    aging, alone, awareness, borders, death, meditation, memory, metaphor, mythic, patterns, perspective, poetry, solitude, ways of knowing

    I saw an old man from my window

    across the alley sitting alone on his bed.

    A table lamp glowed softly nearby.

    The room was barren, lifeless, empty

    of all but the bed, the lamp, and the old man.

    He sat still, staring toward a wall.

    I could not see, from where I stood,

    what it was that had captured him so.

    It was as if I had been absorbed bodily

    into an Edward Hopper painting;

    he was so alone in his thickening sadness.

    It oozed from his window across the alley

    like an amoeba blindly frets its way

    across a water droplet on a glass slide,

    stretching toward its last bit of life.

    Instinctively, I backed away quietly

    into the growing darkness of my room,

    and the silent frailty we all must live.

    (April 10, 2023)

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  • sonnet

    by

    poetry

    I, always the me now, never the we,

    ask again: Where does the anger come from?

    The resentment? The manufactured past?

    Mine, hers: what we remember: the slights

    and wounds still bleeding. No concurrent flow

    of telling, not even a parallel,

    contrapuntal at best; more dissonant

    tales to contradict, and exacerbate

    the scream, the disconnect of skewed tangents,

    no parallax to broaden perspective

    Just the sharp shimmer of indecision

    decimating any remnants of love

    like hundreds of fragments of broken glass

    tumbling out of a multitude of skies.

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